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Mokykla Kauno raj. Akademijos Ugnės Karvelis gimnazija
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How to Deal with me ;D

1. Just because they didn’t hear you doesn’t mean they aren’t interested. We daydream a lot, and may be a bit sluggish to return to reality in time to catch what you said.

2. Don’t force them to share their feelings. For introverts, personal thoughts and feelings are our property until we decide otherwise. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have feelings, just that they are a privilege for the hand-selected. Violating this is often deeply troubling. On the other hand, feel flattered if they decide to share with you.

3. Don’t say they are over-analyzing or "thinking too much". We are not over-analyzing. You are under-analyzing. We are by nature very analytical and critical. This is how we understand the world, and the opinion that our conclusions are strange or wrong because we’ve put too much thought into them is often quite frustrating.

4. Do back up your rules with logic. While INTP’s can have problems with authority, it is usually unsubstantiated authority that really gets under our skin. If we see a logical or practical need for a rule, we’ll almost always abide by it. It is when we must obey authority for authority’s sake that we so often go rogue. Without evidence that a rule is necessary we are much more likely to disregard it. Parents, this may mean taking the time to explain your rationale in detail. Our weak point is logic. Back up your rules with evidence and explanations instead of "Because I said so" if you want them respected.

5. Don’t expect them to do anything the conventional way. We will almost always test the rules and boundaries of the method, whether it is how to bake a cake, how to write a paper or how to dress in the morning. I know my parents grew tired of this even when I was a small child. I was always hearing "Why do you always have to try things your own way?" and (mostly in exasperation) "You always have to try to think of something better!". While it is prudent to correct us if we’re about to hurt something, sometimes it’s better to just let us go (you never know, we might actually find a better way).

6. Don’t push them too far. While we are generally amiable, flexible and easy-going we are prone to "snap" if we are pushed too far or one of our core values is violated. This often blindsides those who do the offending. We hate it too because we are uncomfortable when our actions are guided by feelings alone. If you do end up on the wrong side of the line, a simple unadorned apology will often go a long way.

7. Don’t get offended by debate. We love to debate and discuss, but hate to argue. Debating is about idea swapping, testing and generation. Argument involves hurt feelings or personal disagreements. We generally have no trouble separating the two, but often offend those who are more sensitive. We really don’t mean to! In fact by debating or playing devil’s advocate to your ideas we are often testing their soundness because we are impressed by (or at least curious about) them. If we thought they were crap we probably wouldn’t bother. If you feel somewhat assaulted, but they are still acting hunky-dorey, chances are they didn’t mean anything by it.

8. Don’t expect them to blend in. We are often unconventional, have a tendency towards social rebellion and often place a low priority on popularity or normalcy. This is not a hard and fast rule, but if your INTP stands out from the crowd, you should know that they probably don’t care. Remember Einstein’s crazy hair?

9. Do give them something complicated to do. We thrive on complexity, theory and possibility. Repetitive work is torturous, but get us started on something with a little more depth and we’ll often work obsessively until we are satisfied with the end result. Employers might keep this in mind for that new project that may require some innovation. Parents, keep in mind that while your lil possibly INTP may have average grades in school, they may very well be exceptionally gifted when given the opportunity to work "outside the box" on something they are interested in.

10. Don’t mistake fair for cold-hearted. If you ever find yourself under the authority of an INTP, don’t expect to make much headway with an emotional plea. It isn’t that we don’t have sympathy, it is that we want to be fair to everyone else. We will often ignore an emotional argument if the outcome will affect the overall justice of the system. The exception to this is if we are supposed to be upholding a rule we don’t find necessary (see above). If you really want to get something by an INTP tell them a few good, solid reasons why you need or deserve it rather than try to make them feel sympathy, empathy or guilt.
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